Attempting to completely stamp-out all forms of digital piracy, the RIAA recently announced that it has garnered support in the Senate for a new bill. The proposed legislation, Anti-Direct Digital Piracy Control, or ADDPC for short, is expected to quickly bypass normal, constitutional, channels in the Senate for quick ratification by sympathetic Senators.

Direct Digital Piracy, a relatively new term employed in the RIAA's war against piracy induced sales-losses, describes one of the most simple forms of piracy to commit -- yet the most difficult to technologically protect against. Speaking before a group of enthusiastic Senators, lead by Orrin Hatch (Rep. Utah), RIAA CEO Mitch Bainwol explained DPP, and its effects on the Music Industry thusly: "It's no secret that record labels have done their utmost to provide consumers, and artists, with the highest-quality digital music. Labels, musicians, and recording studios and staffers have gone to great lengths to ensure the truest forms of digital recording. Sadly, hackers who seem to think of no one but themselves have repeatedly shown us that while they enjoy these efforts, they don't care about stealing from musicians, labels, and studios to the get the music. Many pirates are so brazen in their attempts to use digital music without paying for it that they frequently will allow their friends, spouses, relatives, and even strangers listen to PURE, DIGITAL, MUSIC without paying for their own license. A perfect example comes from younger couples who chose to co-habitate, or from married couples who don't share bank accounts -- they're frequently prone to engaging in Direct Digital Piracy, stealing from musicians, labels, and studios to let their 'significant other' listen to copyrighted music without said 'significant other' holding their own copy of the Digital music that they enjoy so freely."

Commenting on how ADDP will help the RIAA curtail Direct Digital Piracy, Mr. Bainwol continued: "The RIAA has investigated technological solutions to prevent DPP, but because we truly don't have a clue about technology, we've come up with 'bupkiss' [sic.]. Letting other people listen to your CDs when they haven't purchased their own copy is piracy, pure and simple.. .we just can't figure out how to stop it. Happily, buying Senators is much easier than developing new business models, and we're hopeful that we'll soon have State support in collecting royalties for infringements that have gone on too long."

The RIAA contends that the most pernicious forms of Direct Digital Piracy occur at the hands of teenagers and college-aged kids who are brazen enough to play their own CDs for groups of their friends at social gatherings and parties where royalty fees are not accessed, collected, and remanded to the RIAA. While the RIAA plans to use the new legal teeth provided in the ADDC against younger offenders, Mitch Bainwol pledged that he would ensure that no violation would go un-noted, vowing that "while it may appear to be innocent to some, even old codgers sitting on the porch listening to oldies but goodies CDs could be in violation if they play music for their relatives and acquaintances. We need to think this in terms of how it steals money from producers, artists, truck-drivers, store-clerks and the likes. Again, piracy, in any form, is an ugly, senseless crime."

Absurdity above inspired by realities below:

RIAA hopes to get Biometrically sensitive players into market to stop people from sharing music by sharing players.

RIAA warns that unfettered copyright infringement abounds because of digital streaming of music.

Canadian version of the RIAA wants dentists to 'pony-up' for all that music they've been pirating for their patients.

Copyright holders don't even honor the intentions of artists

I'm all for copyright protection, but what ever happened to that thing called fair-use Heck, for that matter, where did common sense go I guess as long as the RIAA can keep getting legislation passed that lets them gouge people, why bother changing their business model